


Orlesian Architects are Idiots (Or: How the Inquisitor Met the Hero of Fereldan)

by AsMyWimseyTakesMe



Series: Bits and Bobs [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, One Shot, Prompt Fic, because Evelyn Trevelyan is an unhappy camper, dead Darkspawn are the only good Darkspawn, non-betaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 10:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8098768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsMyWimseyTakesMe/pseuds/AsMyWimseyTakesMe
Summary: In which Zevran is amused, the Hero of Fereldan is confused, and Evie Trevelyan is just done.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have discovered prompts and one-shots.
> 
> In other news, said prompts and one-shots are a very good way of dealing with frustration when the chaptered story you're trying to finish is not being cooperative.
> 
> The prompt for this fic was "cave" and as you can see, I ran with it.

Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan was NOT HAPPY.

There was protocol—unofficial, passed by word of mouth, but Evie _knew everything_ —for days when the Inquisitor was NOT HAPPY. Recruits made themselves scarce, mages and Templars had places to be, and certain Orlesian nobles were _encouraged_ to present their requests to Her Grace.

Fucking with Orlesians that pissed off Josephine always made Evie grin. 

Barring that, protocol required one of two options. If Commander Cullen was available, he was chivvied into the Inquisitor’s personal quarters with the Inquisitor herself, and the door was locked for a minimum of two hours. 

If the Commander was unavailable, the Inner Circle was put on alert and suddenly Evie had no end of invitations to have tea, to spar, to play chess— 

But this wasn’t Skyhold. Oh no. This was a Blighted _cave_ in the fucking _Deep Roads_ where she was stuck in the remains of a silk dress without even a bloody _hatpin_. 

How had Duke Petard managed to build his fancy new villa on a Darkspawn nest anyway? 

The Anchor flickered and threw green light over the rubble around her. At least no one else had fallen with her, and the few genlocks had been easy enough to deal with by using the Anchor. Still, the rubble completely blocked the way back up to the Duke’s _charming_ mountain villa, and while Evie knew Cullen and the others were preparing to dig her out, it would take hours, if not days, even with magical help, and waiting for Darkspawn was not something Evie wanted to do. 

She knew what happened to captured women. She’d be damned if she let the Darkspawn make her a broodmother. 

Besides, she needed a weapon, and the genlocks’ pitiful excuses for daggers just wouldn’t work. 

“Well, at least I have a built-in torch,” Evie sighed, and lifted her left hand in the air. A small push made it brighten, illuminating a tunnel. Leading west, even, which meant it led toward a cliff. Unless it snaked around, but Evie would deal with that problem when she got to it. Besides, she wanted a weapon, and she could hear armor jingling in that direction.

 

***

 

When she finally reached the sound of the armor, cursing the damn dancing slippers under her breath—why the hell had she let Leliana choose her footwear?—Evie found five dead genlocks and— 

“Andraste’s knickers, _finally_!” Evie scrambled toward the dead hurlock. “Please be an alpha, please be an alpha, please be a damned alpha…” She tucked her hands under the hurlock’s body and heaved it aside to find a spiked black maul. “ _Hello_ , beautiful, come to Evie.” 

“… _amor_ , I think she is deranged.” 

Evie had the maul up and swinging before the voice finished. It slammed into the wall with a _crack_ as mage-born lightning numbed her hands. She snarled. Fucking duke with his fucking villa on a fucking Darkspawn nest in a fucking cave with fucking voices in the dark with fucking Antivan accents— 

Wait. 

“What the fuck?” Evie demanded. There was an Elf in the tunnel. Scratch that, there were _two_ Elves in the tunnel. 

“It’s all right, we can help you.” The smaller Elf—not that either of them were tall, but honestly, Evie couldn’t say anything, considering her own height issues—had a surprisingly soothing voice with a hint of a Fereldan accent. Which meant the stocky Elf in the weird black armor was the Antivan. She was proved right when the other Elf spoke. 

“My darling, I don’t think she needs our considerable talents.” 

“She’s wearing silk! She’s obviously a noble and she’s all alone!” 

“She also just created a hole in solid stone with a maul as big as she is,” the Antivan replied drily. “One would think you wouldn’t make assumptions after these years of friendship with women like Morrigan and Leliana, _amor_.” 

Evie frowned and pulled her new maul out of the wall, causing a small cascade of broken shale. 

“Wait, you know Morrigan? And Leliana?” 

The two Elves blinked at her for a moment before the Fereldan replied, “Yes?” 

Evie peered closer at the shadowed figures, and shite, the Fereldan Elf was wearing the uniform of a _Grey Warden Mage_. 

No one had ever accused Evie of being stupid. 

“Andraste’s tits, you’re the Hero of Fereldan!” 

Her Anchor shuddered and burst, sending a wave of light out to dance on the rock walls. She could see details now; the blond Elf in the black armor was grinning, and the Grey Warden—a slight, pale thing with bright red hair—was blinking at her in astonishment. 

As the light died, the Hero of Fereldan said, “Oh dear. You’re the Inquisitor.”

 

***

 

“You built an entire villa on a Maker-damned Darkspawn warren!” Cullen roared. 

Duke Petard squeaked and hid behind Josephine. The Antivan woman stood her ground; it would not do for the Inquisition’s Ambassador to allow the Inquisition’s Commander to impale an Orlesian duke. Even if he was the reason her Inquisitor had fallen into a Darkspawn nest without a weapon. 

…maybe just a little stabbing. In the leg. 

Leliana appeared beside Cullen. “I have reports from our Dwarves that there are tunnels off from the main cave. It might be quicker to—” 

An explosion tore through the villa’s west wing. Mages cast broad barrier spells and others sought cover. Josephine stared in shock as a genlock corpse landed at her feet, then heard a familiar voice. 

“That was _amazing!_ ” 

“I had already put the firebombs there, it was just a matter of making the force go up, not down.”

“Can you teach me to do that?” 

“…perhaps?” 

“Excellent!” 

Josephine blinked. Evelyn had a black cloak over her tattered dress and a Darkspawn maul on her shoulder. A mage in Grey Warden blue and silver was on her left. Josephine glanced over to find Cullen with his face in his hands. He caught her gaze and groaned. 

“Evie met the Hero of Fereldan. Bollocks.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is not betaed. Any and all mistakes are totally my fault and I'll deal with them later; this was quick and dirty and served to banish my frustrations with the ever-changing annoyance that is "A Light from the Shadows."
> 
> Yes, "A Light from the Shadows" will be finished, I promise. I had a good chunk of chapter three written out, when I realized that it was chapter four and there was a whole new chapter three to write if I wanted the story to flow well. So don't worry. It's chugging along.


End file.
